Panta Rei

It's funny how quickly things change. One minute, it seems completely indisputable that things are a certain way. The next minute, you find that they have changed drastically. You're not quite sure why or how. All you know is that something is different. You don't fully understand how it reached that point. You wonder if it was something you said. Or perhaps, something you didn't say, or should have said. But in the end, you conclude that it really would not have made a difference. Or would it? You cannot help but to wonder what difference, if any, an alternate conversation or action would have had on the outcome. In the end, isn't it the bigger picture that rules? You'd like to think so, but realize that life isn't always fair and that sometimes things are skewed by one tiny detail that was off. You hope it's not the case, but really, what, if anything, can you do about it at this point? It's said, it's done. It's over. Time to move on to the next thing. Panta rei. Everything flows. You can never step into the same river twice. All you can do is keep passing the open windows.

Oh, The Entanglements We Weave

It is interesting. Us humans, we are such social creatures. We crave human connection. We thrive on it. Little bridges between people. Uniting us. Keeping us connected to one another. At times it almost reaches desperate proportions. We do what we know is not good or healthy for us, just to maintain a connection with one another. We know that sooner or later, the bond will be severed. Slit. Torn to shreds. Mutilated. Violently trashed. A human connection consumed like yet another commercial product we carelessly toss aside when we are done with it.

Yet, we forge ahead knowing full well that disaster waits around the corner. All to avoid the desperate feeling of being an island, alone. At times we thrive on the desperate pursuit. At times, it brings us to the darkest brink of despair. The agony and the ecstasy. But, when the unavoidable happens, you know. De Niro said it best in Ronin: "Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt." In your heart of hearts, you know. You know it's coming. The end. But, do you stop? No. The voice of reason speaks to you. You hear it loud and clear. Still, do you stop? No, of course not. You are too desperate to be alone.

Of Sleep

I am still not able to sleep at night. I'm tossing and turning. These past few days have been days off with no work related stress whatsoever. Should have slept like a baby and enjoyed it before the good vacation comes to an abrupt end tomorrow. Alas, no. No such luck. I'm still plagued by the thing that is bugging me at the back of my mind. I know it's there. I should just deal with it. Perhaps if I did, I would actually sleep well at night. Not right away, of course. Once I actually deal with it, the sleeplessness will get far worse before it gets any better. Not to mention that it will make me restless during the day as well. Not sure I can handle all of that right now.

Dialing In A Forgotten Voice, Rolling In Like Waves Coming Off The Coast

We have been enjoying a wonderful time at the lake house. Long leisurely dog walks along the beach. Lake side fire chats. Indoor fire chats. Lounging and sipping wine and other beverages of indulgence. Amazing friends. Great food. Relaxing and playing games. We even have a talented writer among us who generously entertained us by reading some of his stories. It really has been a dream come true. One couldn't ask for a more perfect weekend. If only it weren't for this one thing nagging, tugging, pulling at the back of my mind. Last night I couldn't sleep and this morning I awoke early. Not even the dogs are awake yet. The waves too are quiet this morning.

A Dream Come True

From the early days since my arrival in this country, it's been a dream of mine to gather together with a group of good friends for a cozy weekend getaway in a Wisconsin cabin. After years of quietly harboring this dream, it has finally come true! However, as it turns out, the cabin is beyond my wildest expectations and is more of a luxury villa right on the lake.

We arrived here late last night. As we pulled up, it was pitch black outside so I could not make out any of the scenery, but could hear the Lake Michigan waves rolling in, roaring loud like the ocean. Inside, it was warm, welcoming, spacious, yet cozy and luxurious with a beautiful fireplace. Tired after the week and the drive up, we had a quick night cap before crashing into bed.

This morning, I awoke to the sound of the waves rolling in from the lake. Curious to see the scenery that had eluded me last night, I quickly jumped out of bed. Looking out the large bay windows, I excitedly discovered that there is but a stretch of green lawn separating us from the beach. Aaah! The sun shone warmly through the windows. I ran downstairs and was greeted by the wonderful aroma of coffee brewing. Unable to contain myself, I rushed outside to explore. The sun was warm and the waves loud and beautiful. I skipped to the lakefront in my bare feet and slipped them in the lake. Brrr, cold!

We watched the dogs play around on the lawn for a little bit and took pictures to share. Unfortunately, I left my card reader at home (card reader curse at work again!) so cannot upload any pictures until I get home. It's been a leisurely day since. Reading by the bay window while contemplatively watching the waves. Chatting. Laughing. Playing with the dogs. Sipping coffee. Snacking. Think I'm going to take the dogs on a walk along the beach now.

More later...